The appointment is over, you have a word for it now, and the drive home was quiet. The first week after a dementia diagnosis is not the week to reorganize your parent's life. It is the week to put a few things in place so the next year is easier. Here is the short list, in order.
Day 1–2: write down what the doctor said
Memory for medical appointments is bad for everyone, worse under stress. The same evening, write down:
- the diagnosis as the doctor phrased it (Alzheimer's disease, vascular dementia, "mild cognitive impairment", mixed)
- any medication started or changed, with the dose and when to take it
- the next appointment and who it's with
- what the doctor said about driving
Ask the clinic for the visit summary; most send it through the patient portal within a few days. Put it in a shared folder (a notes app or a cloud folder) that your siblings can see. You will be asked these questions for years.
Day 1–3: tell the people who need to know, in the right order
- Your parent's partner or whoever lives with them, if they weren't at the appointment.
- Siblings, together, with the written notes. One message to everyone prevents five different versions.
- Your parent's closest friend or neighbour — only with your parent's agreement, and only as far as "she may need a hand with dates and appointments".
Skip the wider family for now. There will be time.
Day 2–4: the three safety items
Not everything. These three:
- Medication. Ask the pharmacy for blister packs sorted by day and time, and set phone reminders in your own voice for each dose. This is the most common thing that goes wrong, and the easiest to fix. How to get a parent with dementia to take their medication covers it in detail.
- The stove. If there has been any burnt-pan incident, install an automatic shut-off timer (a plug-in device for electric stoves; a gas safety valve from the utility for gas). Don't wait for the second incident.
- Keys and the door. A spare key with a neighbour. A note by the door for the evening: lock, lights, phone on charge.
Driving, finances and wandering are real concerns; they are not first-week concerns unless the doctor said otherwise.
Day 3–5: the paperwork that must happen while she can still sign
This is the item families most often regret leaving. While your parent can understand and agree:
- Power of attorney for finances and health care proxy / medical power of attorney (the names vary by country and state). A lawyer who does elder law can do both in one visit; many offer fixed fees.
- HIPAA / medical information release (US) so the clinic can talk to you.
- A list of accounts: bank, pension, insurance, utilities, phone — where they are and how they are paid. Not the passwords yet; just the map.
- Check whether a will exists and where it is.
Make the appointment this week even if it's for next month. Capacity can change faster than you expect, and a signed document is the difference between helping and petitioning a court.
Day 4–6: set up the phone so it works for her
Your parent's phone is going to become the main channel between you. Fifteen minutes:
- text size up, volume up, Do Not Disturb off
- your number and your siblings' as favorites with photos
- one place for the phone, with a charger, by her chair
- reminders that show full-screen, speak in your voice, and have one Done button
- a way for you to see what was done without calling
Set this up from your own phone if the app allows it, so you never have to be in the room to change a time. (MemoryFy is built for this: the caregiver creates everything, the parent's phone joins by scanning one code, no password on her side.)
Day 5–7: decide who does what
The question is not "who will be the caregiver". It's "who does which of these":
| Job | Who | How often |
|---|---|---|
| Medication and pharmacy | weekly | |
| Appointments and transport | as needed | |
| Bills and paperwork | monthly | |
| The daily "is she okay" check | daily | |
| Visits and company | weekly |
Fill it in with your siblings, including the one who lives far away — the paperwork and the daily check-in can both be done from anywhere. Agree on one shared place to see what's happening, so nobody has to be the hub that everyone calls.
What can wait
- Moving house, or moving in with you. Most people do far better at home for years with the right support.
- Day centres and home-care agencies. Worth knowing about; not urgent.
- Reading everything. One good source (the Alzheimer's Association, Alzheimer's Society or your national equivalent) is enough for now.
- Telling your parent's whole address book.
- Fixing your own feelings about it. Those take longer than a week and that's normal.
One thing for you
Pick one person who isn't family and tell them what's happened. You are going to need someone to say "that's hard" without needing anything from you. Caregivers who have that person last longer and get sick less. It's not optional, it's part of the checklist.
The checklist
- Doctor's words written down and shared with siblings
- Partner, siblings, one friend told
- Blister packs + voice reminders for medication
- Stove shut-off if there's been an incident; spare key with a neighbour
- Elder-law appointment booked for POA and health care proxy
- Medical information release signed
- Map of accounts (not passwords)
- Phone set up: text size, favorites, one place, full-screen reminders, done-status you can see
- Who-does-what table filled in
- One person for you
Everything else is next month's list.